(She does know that Shanks wouldn’t have left her with someone he couldn’t trust. While she’s still upset, still angry he left at all, it did comfort her a bit that he trusted Gordon. He was a good man, a better person than she turned out to be. She sighs, softly, before giving Shanks a smile.
It sucked they were in this hotel together, but at least they hadn’t had to do anything together! She was quite grateful for that because she’s certain it’s possible for the place to encourage it.
She doesn’t want to entertain that thought.)
I wish neither of us were here, but I think I’d rather this reprieve from whatever is happening back home. There’s so much, Shanks. Talking to ordinary people when I managed… it was eye opening.
Here I feel like I can at least focus on myself. (Which seems like such a silly thing, but she definitely needed to look inward for a bit.)
( Shanks might be a little too positive, sometimes, but he does seem to have an uncanny knack for when he can trust someone with something important and precious to him. Like Uta, or straw hats. As long as the hotel respects their familial relationship, he's fine with everything, except.... )
( A weight seems to settle over him as Uta speaks, but he forces a smile back on his face, not wanting to worry her, all the same. )
You deserve to get to focus on yourself. Maybe it will help you with your own grief and guilt. ( He still doesn't get what the guilt is about, not exactly, but he can tell it's there. )
Maybe. (She certainly had a lot of it right now. Guilt of her actions, grief of the life she could have had… it’s impossible to say how she could forgive herself for what happened but, maybe she should try.
Maybe. She wants to apologize to Luffy first if she can even look him in the eyes if he shows up again.)
What about you? (She turns the subject to him.) You carry a lot on your shoulders too. Are you working on yourself?
( She may not know everything, but she can see the weight he carries. He holds the world on his shoulders like it’s his responsibility, but is it? We’re there things he regrets and needs to forgive himself for?
She’s sure there was, but she wasn’t aware of them.)
( Why he knows he shouldn't be so surprised Uta has him figured out, Shanks' eyes still widen a little to her words. Then, softly, he chuckle as he shakes his head a little. )
Sure Beckman would appreciate if I did that. I'll admit, I'm not the best at doing that, though. Working on myself.
( Sadly, Shanks shakes his head. ) I can work on being more considerate of my crew, and everyone here. But my focus needs to be on making sure everything lines up to save our planet. Which means here? I need to be focused on getting back home.
( Which, he will admit he's easily distracted. But also, he's hit nothing bit dead ends, so far. )
He's good. He would be happy to see you. Everyone is good. Yasopp, Roux, Limejuice, Hongo. ( Shanks moves, trying to catch Uta's eyes. ) They all miss you.
That's why we'll do it together. ( Shanks lowers his head to look at Uta in the eyes when he says that. ) I think the two of us can keep each other honest about it, right?
( His smile broadens, and he's so sincere and certain when he speaks, indicating, once again, he has no idea what time Uta just came from, that she's from his future, and Shanks has no idea what's coming. )
Of course you will. I promised when you became a big star I would return. I'm keeping that promise. The circumstances changed, but my word, my promise never did. I don't listen to your shows on the transponder snails for no reason, either. You're doing wonderful work, lifting people's spirits, little by little. Giving them comfort where it's hard to find.
I told you, you could. Your voice truly has the power to save people.
(She blinks, surprised to hear that he’s watched her shows. He may have mentioned it before but it was still a big deal to her. She turns from him, nodding some.
Wait.
His promise —he doesn’t— does he not know?)
Shanks… (She starts, then stops as she grows serious. What didn’t he know? She told him (albeit briefly) about her near killing of her friend, but she never went into detail.)
I- um. Thank you. (Maybe now wasn’t the time to broach that subject.)
( No, Shanks has no idea, and he didn't think much about it, but when Uta stops like that, feels the heaviness rolling from her, his eyebrows knit together, and now he's thinking. There's something he doesn't know? )
( It might not be the best time to have that conversation, but Shanks rolls forward. )
What is it? ( Of course, Uta doesn't need to tell him. If she brushes it aside, he'll follow her, but he can't help but worry. )
(She treads lightly, unsure how to explain it. He retuned (with good reason) to stop her murdering her friend… and most of the people of the world. She furrows her brows, perplexed, concerned, terrified of what he will say once he learns the full truth.
He truly didn’t know.)
Do you remember what I told you? Back when I first arrived?
(Yeah, birthday aside, maybe this conversation needs to happen.)
( Shanks' eyes widen, because no, he hasn't. There are options here, and for a moment, Shanks just stares at Uta, expression vacant as he accepts this. Something is off. Are they from slightly different worlds? Or -? )
Uta...how old are you? For this birthday?
( He nods his head. He mildly recalls it, but he didn't understand he should be aware of the details. He didn't ask, didn't want to press her, especially when she seemed so upset. )
(She’s a little perplexed why he asked, but she’s got a sinking feeling it has to do with this promise.)
It wasn’t… just an altercation. I nearly killed him. (She glances away, shrinking in on herself as she brings one arm up to her shoulder to try and appear smaller.) I nearly killed everyone, actually.
(It feels like such an understatement while also being a heavy burden to carry. She wanted to help people, yes, but she definitely went about it the wrong way. Yet it felt like the only way to make it work, to truly have peace.
It was a foolish idea, and she’d glad she was able to set everyone free before the consequences were too grave.)
( His eyes widen. 22? Oh.... Shanks eyes swivel to Uta, and he sounds abnormally serious when he speaks again. )
Uta, the time I'm from...you would have been nineteen when I left.
( He frowns, and it deepens as he listens to her, because oh.... That is a huge burden to ever carry, and he never wanted that for her. )
What do you mean everyone? ( This is starting to sound big enough that if Shanks had been there, he would know exactly what she's talking about, but he doesn't even know. Shanks scoots closer to her to see if Uta will let him put his arm around her. )
It sounds like this was a very grave matter, but unfortunately, if you're from my future, I don't know about it. ( He sounds outright apologetic, like he's almost apologizing for not knowing, apologizing that she has to relive and explain it to him if she wants him to understand. It's not fair to her, Shanks feels, but he doesn't know what else to do. )
(She was from his future. That immediately puts a lot of their conversations into context. He didn’t know. He didn’t know. She chews on her bottom lip, wondering how best to explain everything to him.
May as well start from the beginning.)
It’s… it’s a lot. (She starts, and there’s no going back now.) I’ve been using the transponder snails to talk to people, you know? Just conversations about the world we live in, what would it take to help make their lives easier. I’d sing, try and interact but… I don’t know anything. I’d hear about how pirates would raid and steal and destroy. How people were killed, orphaned, afraid of what would happen next. Especially since they also don’t trust that the Government would protect them. Some lived in territories protected by pirates, some have full faith that the Marines would stop them.
It was overwhelming, the amount of information I was receiving. I barely knew what happened outside of Elegia. If Gordon received the News Coo I never knew it.
I… (Deep breaths, Uta, you can do this.) I came up with a plan to help everyone, though it back fired on me pretty badly.
( Arm around her, Shanks nods his head. ) I knew of the shows, I've tuned into some of them, though.... I suppose, from my timeline, you've barely begun them.
( He nods to the information she's gotten so far, too. It's true. The World Government is untrustworthy. The Marines corrupt. The pirates are dangerous. There are only some amongst all three of those factions worth trusting, and they're few and far in between. Plus, of course, Shanks is known for the destruction of Elegia, so it's only natural anyone who knows of that hates him. )
I know. You've always wanted to help. ( He can't imagine how hard this is for her, but Shanks can't stop himself from asking, wondering if, maybe, in a small way, she needs to talk about it. )
Did you know wake shrooms grow in the wild on Elegia?
(She leans into him, barely making eye contact as she continues.)
I set up the snails to broadcast live around the world. I invited a lot of people to Elegia for a live concert. I… used my devil fruit to bring everyone into the Sing-Sing world to trap them there — not maliciously! Not at first. I wanted to offer them freedom, a new world where everyone could be equal.
I was using the wake shrooms to keep myself awake until they killed me.
Luffy and his friends came to the concert. They and the Marines tried to stop me. Luffy refused to fight me… so I tried to kill him in the real world.
You stopped me, but… the Marines also intervened, for good reason I suppose.
You protected me from them but they… they killed one of the civilians in the real world. I couldn’t help them.
I did the only thing I could do in the state I was in.
(Shanks knew what wake shrooms could do to a person, she’s sure. She was paranoid, delusional, suffering from the effects of the mushroom that was keeping her awake.)
I tired to use Tot Musica to stop everyone. You, the Marines, Luffy and his allies. Not that it worked in the end but… that is thanks to you and Luffy.
(She covers her face now, trying to stop the tears as they well up. She had to face her transgressions, and she knows she’s been running for too long. If Luffy ever came back, if his friends knew what kind of monster she became, wha almost happened to their captain while they were trapped—)
( Shanks' eyes widen again. Wake Shrooms. His chest constricts. Yeah, he knows what those are. Deceptively cute. Initially, not a big deal. Used for too long, however.... )
( He listens in frozen horror as Uta starts to explain. At the least, Shanks saved Uta from killing Luffy, but...it sounds like, once again, he was too late to prevent more burdens from shoveled on top of Uta. She's worried she's a monster, and all Shanks can think is - She never should have had to go through this. )
( Uta says she's sorry, and Shanks tries to curl her to his chest, to let her sob, soft, pained smile on his lips. )
You don't need to apologize to me. I'm the one that's sorry. You have such a kind soul, a big, soft heart that always wanted to help everyone. I thought leaving you with Gordon to improve your singing was the best thing I could do for you. The safest option.
I'm sorry I didn't consider it could come to this. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner.
(His apologies were more than she wanted to hear. Things he could have done that didn’t happen— it’s not like he knew. Not like he could have anticipated the outcome of her actions until it was too late. She can’t control her sobbing as she moves to cover her face, leaning against Shanks as she heaves for breath with each cry.
It’s her fault. She’s a monster. How can she even look at Luffy if he were to show up? How can she talk to his friends? If they knew— if they knew what would they do to her?)
Don’t be sorry! (She finally manages to get out between tears.) You couldn’t have known, couldn’t have predicted.
(She can’t stop the flood of words as the escape, speaking quickly, panic rising in her voice.)
( To himself, Shanks keeps that he could have gotten there sooner, letting Uta just have that one. She has enough trauma and pain to contend with at the moment, he feels. And he doesn't need to be right. )
No. (His word is soft, though firm. Shanks shakes his head as he starts to pat Uta's back. )
I've known monsters. They don't regret like this. If you feel remorse for your actions, you're a good person that made a mistake. The important part is to face it and do your best to make up for it. As long as you do that...you're no monster.
( He tries to give a soft smile for her, but inside, Shanks feels his heart breaking for Uta. )
( Shanks isn't sure what else he can do for her, but he's driven to want to ease her pain. At the same time, he can tell arguing with Uta isn't going to get him anywhere. She is going to see herself as she does, and it's not necessarily a bad thing she wants to own up for what she did, either. )
( He breathes in, deeply, then pulls back to cup her cheek and rub his thumb over her tears. )
You should accept what you did. But you can't just give up and call yourself a monster.
Learn from this. Don't fall into that trap again, that line of thinking. Make amends for what happened.
It's your choice if you're a monster or not, from here on out.
(She rubs at her eyes, hoping that maybe it would help her stop crying. Her face is wet, her mascara running, but the tears do stop eventually. She can’t stop sniffling, nodding slightly as Shanks speaks.
She may not agree entirely but… he does have a point.)
Thanks… (She says softly, before she leans up against him.) It might take some time for me to come to terms with it, I think.
I don’t have the sheet music here but— I know the words.
(It’s not like she can unlearn them now that she knows.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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(She does know that Shanks wouldn’t have left her with someone he couldn’t trust. While she’s still upset, still angry he left at all, it did comfort her a bit that he trusted Gordon. He was a good man, a better person than she turned out to be. She sighs, softly, before giving Shanks a smile.
It sucked they were in this hotel together, but at least they hadn’t had to do anything together! She was quite grateful for that because she’s certain it’s possible for the place to encourage it.
She doesn’t want to entertain that thought.)
I wish neither of us were here, but I think I’d rather this reprieve from whatever is happening back home. There’s so much, Shanks. Talking to ordinary people when I managed… it was eye opening.
Here I feel like I can at least focus on myself. (Which seems like such a silly thing, but she definitely needed to look inward for a bit.)
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( A weight seems to settle over him as Uta speaks, but he forces a smile back on his face, not wanting to worry her, all the same. )
You deserve to get to focus on yourself. Maybe it will help you with your own grief and guilt. ( He still doesn't get what the guilt is about, not exactly, but he can tell it's there. )
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Maybe. She wants to apologize to Luffy first if she can even look him in the eyes if he shows up again.)
What about you? (She turns the subject to him.) You carry a lot on your shoulders too. Are you working on yourself?
( She may not know everything, but she can see the weight he carries. He holds the world on his shoulders like it’s his responsibility, but is it? We’re there things he regrets and needs to forgive himself for?
She’s sure there was, but she wasn’t aware of them.)
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Sure Beckman would appreciate if I did that. I'll admit, I'm not the best at doing that, though. Working on myself.
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(She smiles though, especially at the mention of Beckman.)
Beckman… how is he? Or was he? (Or however it’s supposed to be.) Or everyone, really. I really would like to see them again.
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( Which, he will admit he's easily distracted. But also, he's hit nothing bit dead ends, so far. )
He's good. He would be happy to see you. Everyone is good. Yasopp, Roux, Limejuice, Hongo. ( Shanks moves, trying to catch Uta's eyes. ) They all miss you.
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How do we even get home?
(Because honestly? She was afraid of that prospect. What would she return to?)
I miss them… I really miss them.
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Until then, I'll work on being better.
( He lifts his arm to put around Uta's shoulders. )
They would love to see you.
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(She smiles, relaxing against him as he places his arm around her.)
I guess we both can work on being better. It’s not easy work to better yourself.
(She sighs, taking a moment to accept that her family would want to see her.)
Maybe some day I can.
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( His smile broadens, and he's so sincere and certain when he speaks, indicating, once again, he has no idea what time Uta just came from, that she's from his future, and Shanks has no idea what's coming. )
Of course you will. I promised when you became a big star I would return. I'm keeping that promise. The circumstances changed, but my word, my promise never did. I don't listen to your shows on the transponder snails for no reason, either. You're doing wonderful work, lifting people's spirits, little by little. Giving them comfort where it's hard to find.
I told you, you could. Your voice truly has the power to save people.
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(She blinks, surprised to hear that he’s watched her shows. He may have mentioned it before but it was still a big deal to her. She turns from him, nodding some.
Wait.
His promise —he doesn’t— does he not know?)
Shanks… (She starts, then stops as she grows serious. What didn’t he know? She told him (albeit briefly) about her near killing of her friend, but she never went into detail.)
I- um. Thank you. (Maybe now wasn’t the time to broach that subject.)
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( It might not be the best time to have that conversation, but Shanks rolls forward. )
What is it? ( Of course, Uta doesn't need to tell him. If she brushes it aside, he'll follow her, but he can't help but worry. )
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(She treads lightly, unsure how to explain it. He retuned (with good reason) to stop her murdering her friend… and most of the people of the world. She furrows her brows, perplexed, concerned, terrified of what he will say once he learns the full truth.
He truly didn’t know.)
Do you remember what I told you? Back when I first arrived?
(Yeah, birthday aside, maybe this conversation needs to happen.)
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Uta...how old are you? For this birthday?
( He nods his head. He mildly recalls it, but he didn't understand he should be aware of the details. He didn't ask, didn't want to press her, especially when she seemed so upset. )
You and Luffy had some sort of altercation?
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(She’s a little perplexed why he asked, but she’s got a sinking feeling it has to do with this promise.)
It wasn’t… just an altercation. I nearly killed him. (She glances away, shrinking in on herself as she brings one arm up to her shoulder to try and appear smaller.) I nearly killed everyone, actually.
(It feels like such an understatement while also being a heavy burden to carry. She wanted to help people, yes, but she definitely went about it the wrong way. Yet it felt like the only way to make it work, to truly have peace.
It was a foolish idea, and she’d glad she was able to set everyone free before the consequences were too grave.)
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Uta, the time I'm from...you would have been nineteen when I left.
( He frowns, and it deepens as he listens to her, because oh.... That is a huge burden to ever carry, and he never wanted that for her. )
What do you mean everyone? ( This is starting to sound big enough that if Shanks had been there, he would know exactly what she's talking about, but he doesn't even know. Shanks scoots closer to her to see if Uta will let him put his arm around her. )
It sounds like this was a very grave matter, but unfortunately, if you're from my future, I don't know about it. ( He sounds outright apologetic, like he's almost apologizing for not knowing, apologizing that she has to relive and explain it to him if she wants him to understand. It's not fair to her, Shanks feels, but he doesn't know what else to do. )
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May as well start from the beginning.)
It’s… it’s a lot. (She starts, and there’s no going back now.) I’ve been using the transponder snails to talk to people, you know? Just conversations about the world we live in, what would it take to help make their lives easier. I’d sing, try and interact but… I don’t know anything. I’d hear about how pirates would raid and steal and destroy. How people were killed, orphaned, afraid of what would happen next. Especially since they also don’t trust that the Government would protect them. Some lived in territories protected by pirates, some have full faith that the Marines would stop them.
It was overwhelming, the amount of information I was receiving. I barely knew what happened outside of Elegia. If Gordon received the News Coo I never knew it.
I… (Deep breaths, Uta, you can do this.) I came up with a plan to help everyone, though it back fired on me pretty badly.
I just wanted to help people.
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( He nods to the information she's gotten so far, too. It's true. The World Government is untrustworthy. The Marines corrupt. The pirates are dangerous. There are only some amongst all three of those factions worth trusting, and they're few and far in between. Plus, of course, Shanks is known for the destruction of Elegia, so it's only natural anyone who knows of that hates him. )
I know. You've always wanted to help. ( He can't imagine how hard this is for her, but Shanks can't stop himself from asking, wondering if, maybe, in a small way, she needs to talk about it. )
What happened?
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(She leans into him, barely making eye contact as she continues.)
I set up the snails to broadcast live around the world. I invited a lot of people to Elegia for a live concert. I… used my devil fruit to bring everyone into the Sing-Sing world to trap them there — not maliciously! Not at first. I wanted to offer them freedom, a new world where everyone could be equal.
I was using the wake shrooms to keep myself awake until they killed me.
Luffy and his friends came to the concert. They and the Marines tried to stop me. Luffy refused to fight me… so I tried to kill him in the real world.
You stopped me, but… the Marines also intervened, for good reason I suppose.
You protected me from them but they… they killed one of the civilians in the real world. I couldn’t help them.
I did the only thing I could do in the state I was in.
(Shanks knew what wake shrooms could do to a person, she’s sure. She was paranoid, delusional, suffering from the effects of the mushroom that was keeping her awake.)
I tired to use Tot Musica to stop everyone. You, the Marines, Luffy and his allies. Not that it worked in the end but… that is thanks to you and Luffy.
(She covers her face now, trying to stop the tears as they well up. She had to face her transgressions, and she knows she’s been running for too long. If Luffy ever came back, if his friends knew what kind of monster she became, wha almost happened to their captain while they were trapped—)
I’m sorry. (She sobs out.)
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( He listens in frozen horror as Uta starts to explain. At the least, Shanks saved Uta from killing Luffy, but...it sounds like, once again, he was too late to prevent more burdens from shoveled on top of Uta. She's worried she's a monster, and all Shanks can think is - She never should have had to go through this. )
( Uta says she's sorry, and Shanks tries to curl her to his chest, to let her sob, soft, pained smile on his lips. )
You don't need to apologize to me. I'm the one that's sorry. You have such a kind soul, a big, soft heart that always wanted to help everyone. I thought leaving you with Gordon to improve your singing was the best thing I could do for you. The safest option.
I'm sorry I didn't consider it could come to this. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner.
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It’s her fault. She’s a monster. How can she even look at Luffy if he were to show up? How can she talk to his friends? If they knew— if they knew what would they do to her?)
Don’t be sorry! (She finally manages to get out between tears.) You couldn’t have known, couldn’t have predicted.
(She can’t stop the flood of words as the escape, speaking quickly, panic rising in her voice.)
I shouldn’t have done it.
What have I done?
I don’t even know why I thought it would work.
It’s my fault! I’m a monster.
I wish I never found that sheet music…
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No. (His word is soft, though firm. Shanks shakes his head as he starts to pat Uta's back. )
I've known monsters. They don't regret like this. If you feel remorse for your actions, you're a good person that made a mistake. The important part is to face it and do your best to make up for it. As long as you do that...you're no monster.
( He tries to give a soft smile for her, but inside, Shanks feels his heart breaking for Uta. )
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It’s not… and I know I have to face that. I’ve done so much damage when I wanted to just make people happy. To make life easier…
(She takes a strained breath, her sobs overwhelming as she just cries. She could have found another way! Could have done something different!
Not that she thought about it at the time. It’s taken some distance from everything to really see that.)
I should just accept that I am…
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( He breathes in, deeply, then pulls back to cup her cheek and rub his thumb over her tears. )
You should accept what you did. But you can't just give up and call yourself a monster.
Learn from this. Don't fall into that trap again, that line of thinking. Make amends for what happened.
It's your choice if you're a monster or not, from here on out.
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She may not agree entirely but… he does have a point.)
Thanks… (She says softly, before she leans up against him.) It might take some time for me to come to terms with it, I think.
I don’t have the sheet music here but— I know the words.
(It’s not like she can unlearn them now that she knows.)
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