( His eyes widen. 22? Oh.... Shanks eyes swivel to Uta, and he sounds abnormally serious when he speaks again. )
Uta, the time I'm from...you would have been nineteen when I left.
( He frowns, and it deepens as he listens to her, because oh.... That is a huge burden to ever carry, and he never wanted that for her. )
What do you mean everyone? ( This is starting to sound big enough that if Shanks had been there, he would know exactly what she's talking about, but he doesn't even know. Shanks scoots closer to her to see if Uta will let him put his arm around her. )
It sounds like this was a very grave matter, but unfortunately, if you're from my future, I don't know about it. ( He sounds outright apologetic, like he's almost apologizing for not knowing, apologizing that she has to relive and explain it to him if she wants him to understand. It's not fair to her, Shanks feels, but he doesn't know what else to do. )
(She was from his future. That immediately puts a lot of their conversations into context. He didn’t know. He didn’t know. She chews on her bottom lip, wondering how best to explain everything to him.
May as well start from the beginning.)
It’s… it’s a lot. (She starts, and there’s no going back now.) I’ve been using the transponder snails to talk to people, you know? Just conversations about the world we live in, what would it take to help make their lives easier. I’d sing, try and interact but… I don’t know anything. I’d hear about how pirates would raid and steal and destroy. How people were killed, orphaned, afraid of what would happen next. Especially since they also don’t trust that the Government would protect them. Some lived in territories protected by pirates, some have full faith that the Marines would stop them.
It was overwhelming, the amount of information I was receiving. I barely knew what happened outside of Elegia. If Gordon received the News Coo I never knew it.
I… (Deep breaths, Uta, you can do this.) I came up with a plan to help everyone, though it back fired on me pretty badly.
( Arm around her, Shanks nods his head. ) I knew of the shows, I've tuned into some of them, though.... I suppose, from my timeline, you've barely begun them.
( He nods to the information she's gotten so far, too. It's true. The World Government is untrustworthy. The Marines corrupt. The pirates are dangerous. There are only some amongst all three of those factions worth trusting, and they're few and far in between. Plus, of course, Shanks is known for the destruction of Elegia, so it's only natural anyone who knows of that hates him. )
I know. You've always wanted to help. ( He can't imagine how hard this is for her, but Shanks can't stop himself from asking, wondering if, maybe, in a small way, she needs to talk about it. )
Did you know wake shrooms grow in the wild on Elegia?
(She leans into him, barely making eye contact as she continues.)
I set up the snails to broadcast live around the world. I invited a lot of people to Elegia for a live concert. I… used my devil fruit to bring everyone into the Sing-Sing world to trap them there — not maliciously! Not at first. I wanted to offer them freedom, a new world where everyone could be equal.
I was using the wake shrooms to keep myself awake until they killed me.
Luffy and his friends came to the concert. They and the Marines tried to stop me. Luffy refused to fight me… so I tried to kill him in the real world.
You stopped me, but… the Marines also intervened, for good reason I suppose.
You protected me from them but they… they killed one of the civilians in the real world. I couldn’t help them.
I did the only thing I could do in the state I was in.
(Shanks knew what wake shrooms could do to a person, she’s sure. She was paranoid, delusional, suffering from the effects of the mushroom that was keeping her awake.)
I tired to use Tot Musica to stop everyone. You, the Marines, Luffy and his allies. Not that it worked in the end but… that is thanks to you and Luffy.
(She covers her face now, trying to stop the tears as they well up. She had to face her transgressions, and she knows she’s been running for too long. If Luffy ever came back, if his friends knew what kind of monster she became, wha almost happened to their captain while they were trapped—)
( Shanks' eyes widen again. Wake Shrooms. His chest constricts. Yeah, he knows what those are. Deceptively cute. Initially, not a big deal. Used for too long, however.... )
( He listens in frozen horror as Uta starts to explain. At the least, Shanks saved Uta from killing Luffy, but...it sounds like, once again, he was too late to prevent more burdens from shoveled on top of Uta. She's worried she's a monster, and all Shanks can think is - She never should have had to go through this. )
( Uta says she's sorry, and Shanks tries to curl her to his chest, to let her sob, soft, pained smile on his lips. )
You don't need to apologize to me. I'm the one that's sorry. You have such a kind soul, a big, soft heart that always wanted to help everyone. I thought leaving you with Gordon to improve your singing was the best thing I could do for you. The safest option.
I'm sorry I didn't consider it could come to this. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner.
(His apologies were more than she wanted to hear. Things he could have done that didn’t happen— it’s not like he knew. Not like he could have anticipated the outcome of her actions until it was too late. She can’t control her sobbing as she moves to cover her face, leaning against Shanks as she heaves for breath with each cry.
It’s her fault. She’s a monster. How can she even look at Luffy if he were to show up? How can she talk to his friends? If they knew— if they knew what would they do to her?)
Don’t be sorry! (She finally manages to get out between tears.) You couldn’t have known, couldn’t have predicted.
(She can’t stop the flood of words as the escape, speaking quickly, panic rising in her voice.)
( To himself, Shanks keeps that he could have gotten there sooner, letting Uta just have that one. She has enough trauma and pain to contend with at the moment, he feels. And he doesn't need to be right. )
No. (His word is soft, though firm. Shanks shakes his head as he starts to pat Uta's back. )
I've known monsters. They don't regret like this. If you feel remorse for your actions, you're a good person that made a mistake. The important part is to face it and do your best to make up for it. As long as you do that...you're no monster.
( He tries to give a soft smile for her, but inside, Shanks feels his heart breaking for Uta. )
( Shanks isn't sure what else he can do for her, but he's driven to want to ease her pain. At the same time, he can tell arguing with Uta isn't going to get him anywhere. She is going to see herself as she does, and it's not necessarily a bad thing she wants to own up for what she did, either. )
( He breathes in, deeply, then pulls back to cup her cheek and rub his thumb over her tears. )
You should accept what you did. But you can't just give up and call yourself a monster.
Learn from this. Don't fall into that trap again, that line of thinking. Make amends for what happened.
It's your choice if you're a monster or not, from here on out.
(She rubs at her eyes, hoping that maybe it would help her stop crying. Her face is wet, her mascara running, but the tears do stop eventually. She can’t stop sniffling, nodding slightly as Shanks speaks.
She may not agree entirely but… he does have a point.)
Thanks… (She says softly, before she leans up against him.) It might take some time for me to come to terms with it, I think.
I don’t have the sheet music here but— I know the words.
(It’s not like she can unlearn them now that she knows.)
( She doesn't have to agree, Shanks will always leave room not just for one of his crew to follow their own dreams and ideas, but especially for his daughter to. )
( The next part, he just nods his head, arm still around her as Shanks allows Uta to gather herself and listens to her. )
Then sing something else. You can't unlearn those words, the notes, but you have always been full of lyrics and your own songs. Make so many you drown it out.
(He was right. She could drown it out. Tot Musica couldn’t control her- she could refuse to sing the cursed music. Uta takes in a shakey breath, nodding.)
(She doesn’t know what to say. She’s extremely grateful for his support, his willingness to listen and understand what she’s been dealing with in her time here. The whole thing gives her nightmares at times, that she’ll lose control again and try and summon Tot Musica.
She rubs at her eyes again, then sighs. She could do this. It’s not like she’s been eating wakeshrooms here.)
I think this… helped a little. I feel like I’ve been holding on to it for so long…
You don't have to do it alone. Any time you can't sleep, any time you're worried. ( Having had some nightmares himself, he knows.... And he figures.... )
Any time your dreams wake you up, even in the middle of the night, you can always reach out to me. As I would tell any member of my crew.
After all, you are still the Musician of the Red Hair Pirates. If you still want to be?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Uta, the time I'm from...you would have been nineteen when I left.
( He frowns, and it deepens as he listens to her, because oh.... That is a huge burden to ever carry, and he never wanted that for her. )
What do you mean everyone? ( This is starting to sound big enough that if Shanks had been there, he would know exactly what she's talking about, but he doesn't even know. Shanks scoots closer to her to see if Uta will let him put his arm around her. )
It sounds like this was a very grave matter, but unfortunately, if you're from my future, I don't know about it. ( He sounds outright apologetic, like he's almost apologizing for not knowing, apologizing that she has to relive and explain it to him if she wants him to understand. It's not fair to her, Shanks feels, but he doesn't know what else to do. )
no subject
May as well start from the beginning.)
It’s… it’s a lot. (She starts, and there’s no going back now.) I’ve been using the transponder snails to talk to people, you know? Just conversations about the world we live in, what would it take to help make their lives easier. I’d sing, try and interact but… I don’t know anything. I’d hear about how pirates would raid and steal and destroy. How people were killed, orphaned, afraid of what would happen next. Especially since they also don’t trust that the Government would protect them. Some lived in territories protected by pirates, some have full faith that the Marines would stop them.
It was overwhelming, the amount of information I was receiving. I barely knew what happened outside of Elegia. If Gordon received the News Coo I never knew it.
I… (Deep breaths, Uta, you can do this.) I came up with a plan to help everyone, though it back fired on me pretty badly.
I just wanted to help people.
no subject
( He nods to the information she's gotten so far, too. It's true. The World Government is untrustworthy. The Marines corrupt. The pirates are dangerous. There are only some amongst all three of those factions worth trusting, and they're few and far in between. Plus, of course, Shanks is known for the destruction of Elegia, so it's only natural anyone who knows of that hates him. )
I know. You've always wanted to help. ( He can't imagine how hard this is for her, but Shanks can't stop himself from asking, wondering if, maybe, in a small way, she needs to talk about it. )
What happened?
no subject
(She leans into him, barely making eye contact as she continues.)
I set up the snails to broadcast live around the world. I invited a lot of people to Elegia for a live concert. I… used my devil fruit to bring everyone into the Sing-Sing world to trap them there — not maliciously! Not at first. I wanted to offer them freedom, a new world where everyone could be equal.
I was using the wake shrooms to keep myself awake until they killed me.
Luffy and his friends came to the concert. They and the Marines tried to stop me. Luffy refused to fight me… so I tried to kill him in the real world.
You stopped me, but… the Marines also intervened, for good reason I suppose.
You protected me from them but they… they killed one of the civilians in the real world. I couldn’t help them.
I did the only thing I could do in the state I was in.
(Shanks knew what wake shrooms could do to a person, she’s sure. She was paranoid, delusional, suffering from the effects of the mushroom that was keeping her awake.)
I tired to use Tot Musica to stop everyone. You, the Marines, Luffy and his allies. Not that it worked in the end but… that is thanks to you and Luffy.
(She covers her face now, trying to stop the tears as they well up. She had to face her transgressions, and she knows she’s been running for too long. If Luffy ever came back, if his friends knew what kind of monster she became, wha almost happened to their captain while they were trapped—)
I’m sorry. (She sobs out.)
no subject
( He listens in frozen horror as Uta starts to explain. At the least, Shanks saved Uta from killing Luffy, but...it sounds like, once again, he was too late to prevent more burdens from shoveled on top of Uta. She's worried she's a monster, and all Shanks can think is - She never should have had to go through this. )
( Uta says she's sorry, and Shanks tries to curl her to his chest, to let her sob, soft, pained smile on his lips. )
You don't need to apologize to me. I'm the one that's sorry. You have such a kind soul, a big, soft heart that always wanted to help everyone. I thought leaving you with Gordon to improve your singing was the best thing I could do for you. The safest option.
I'm sorry I didn't consider it could come to this. I'm sorry I didn't get there sooner.
no subject
It’s her fault. She’s a monster. How can she even look at Luffy if he were to show up? How can she talk to his friends? If they knew— if they knew what would they do to her?)
Don’t be sorry! (She finally manages to get out between tears.) You couldn’t have known, couldn’t have predicted.
(She can’t stop the flood of words as the escape, speaking quickly, panic rising in her voice.)
I shouldn’t have done it.
What have I done?
I don’t even know why I thought it would work.
It’s my fault! I’m a monster.
I wish I never found that sheet music…
no subject
No. (His word is soft, though firm. Shanks shakes his head as he starts to pat Uta's back. )
I've known monsters. They don't regret like this. If you feel remorse for your actions, you're a good person that made a mistake. The important part is to face it and do your best to make up for it. As long as you do that...you're no monster.
( He tries to give a soft smile for her, but inside, Shanks feels his heart breaking for Uta. )
no subject
It’s not… and I know I have to face that. I’ve done so much damage when I wanted to just make people happy. To make life easier…
(She takes a strained breath, her sobs overwhelming as she just cries. She could have found another way! Could have done something different!
Not that she thought about it at the time. It’s taken some distance from everything to really see that.)
I should just accept that I am…
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( He breathes in, deeply, then pulls back to cup her cheek and rub his thumb over her tears. )
You should accept what you did. But you can't just give up and call yourself a monster.
Learn from this. Don't fall into that trap again, that line of thinking. Make amends for what happened.
It's your choice if you're a monster or not, from here on out.
no subject
She may not agree entirely but… he does have a point.)
Thanks… (She says softly, before she leans up against him.) It might take some time for me to come to terms with it, I think.
I don’t have the sheet music here but— I know the words.
(It’s not like she can unlearn them now that she knows.)
no subject
( The next part, he just nods his head, arm still around her as Shanks allows Uta to gather herself and listens to her. )
Then sing something else. You can't unlearn those words, the notes, but you have always been full of lyrics and your own songs. Make so many you drown it out.
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(He was right. She could drown it out. Tot Musica couldn’t control her- she could refuse to sing the cursed music. Uta takes in a shakey breath, nodding.)
Sorry.
no subject
( He hopes Uta can understand that. That she owes him nothing. )
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(She doesn’t know what to say. She’s extremely grateful for his support, his willingness to listen and understand what she’s been dealing with in her time here. The whole thing gives her nightmares at times, that she’ll lose control again and try and summon Tot Musica.
She rubs at her eyes again, then sighs. She could do this. It’s not like she’s been eating wakeshrooms here.)
I think this… helped a little. I feel like I’ve been holding on to it for so long…
no subject
Any time your dreams wake you up, even in the middle of the night, you can always reach out to me. As I would tell any member of my crew.
After all, you are still the Musician of the Red Hair Pirates. If you still want to be?